Hello, fans of johnnybeehner.com. I am in my hotel room in Jacksonville, FL. It is awesome here. I am working the Comedy Zone here with Louis Ramey. Louis is great. Today was kinda cool, cause after I got off stage and the mc announced Louis, I ran to my room and put on Last Comic Standing only to see Louis Ramey being announced as a finalist into the house. I gotta be honest, I have never really followed that show much. I watched the episode tonight and realized I’m not really much of a fan. I have auditioned for it before and will probably do it again, if its convenient (I made it to the night round in Chicago in season 2) but it really isn’t a a legit show. Any comic knows its rigged as far as who they take. But also, its more of a Real World type reality show than a contest of stand up. It just focuses on comics talking shit about each other and that is really the last thing we need. Oh, well. Whatever. Its always fun to watch the first few episodes to see my friends on it… even though they have made some of my friends that are great comics look like open mic-ers with inconvenient editing.
My girl, Erin is here with me and that is super nice. Today we went to the beach and I got some color playing in the waves. I hadn’t seen her in almost 2 weeks and won’t see her for 2 weeks after she leaves. So we are trying to live it up and enjoy our time here. Good night, friends.

I performed a show for 5 people tonight.  I have had some really memorable great fun shows in front of small intimate crowds before.  Tonight was alright.  They were fun.  I am working with fellow Milwaukee pal, Brian Green, again.  I haven’t been home in just under 2 weeks.  I will be home Sunday and Monday and then I am off again for either 3 or 4 weeks.  Daaamn.  I’m having fun performing, but keeping myself productive and positive during the day is getting tough.  I showcased at a club I have never been to in Kansas City last night and it went great so hopefully I will be get some work from that club.  It’s called Famous Johnny’s so hopefully some day soon Johnny can be performing at Johnny’s.   Wow, I think I am really tired.  That was the gayest thing I have ever typed.

I am laying in bed in my hotel room watching the Steve Wilkos show.  I am pretty sure he was the bouncer for the Jerry Springer show and he somehow got his own show.  I am not a fan of his at all.  I have flipped through his show a few times before and his show is really something else.  I wasn’t sure what to write about, and his show just gave me an answer.  He has a part of his show called “Steve’s Mailbag”  He reads emails people send him and responds.  The first one was some guy telling him his show is fake.  He responded by telling him, no it isn’t and calling the guy a moron.  I’m sold.  The next one was some guy that was a recovering crack head telling Steve that his show helped him stay sober through tough love.  Wow, that guy really is a moron… if that’s even a real email.  Someone else wrote in saying that Steve is a jerk and all he does is yell at people in “dire straits” and that he should help them and not be such a pompous ass.  Steve told him he was a moron and said that his show is part of “moron-free tv” and that so morons like him aren’t allowed to watch his show.  I wish I had a role model like Steve Wilkos when I was growing up.  Then maybe today I would be dildo.  Oh, well.

It is 2:37am.  I just packed and tomorrow I am heading back out on the road for a month.  I am pretty excited.  I am leaving for Wichita, KS tomorrow.  From there, I go to St. Peters, MO, then to South Carolina, and then Florida for 2 weeks.  Should be fun.  I worked with Tommy Chong this past weekend at Zanies.  That was great.  Man, he has some weird fans.  

My girlfriend and I got a Nintendo Wii recently and I love it.  It is great.  Unfortunately you can connect your Wii to the internet and buy a bunch of old Nintendo games from when you were young (and really into video games) and so I am broke and haven’t really written much in about a week and a half.  I did write one new joke on Saturday, but it bombed horribly the first time I tried it.  The cool thing about the Wii is that you can lie to yourself and believe that you are working out when all you are really doing is just swinging one of your arms around.  I wonder if one arm can get stronger than the other from playing Wii.  When I was younger, I used to be worried that one of my arms would be way bigger than the other from playing with my wii-ner.  

A huge thanks to everyone that came to the Comedy Cafe this past weekend. Saturday’s show was fantastic! I had a blast and the new stuff I am working on went over great. It was a blast working with Dylan Bolan, Dan Diebert, and Mike Merryfield. (See pic on pictures page) I’m writing now because I will be on the road nonstop for most of the summer starting this Wednesday when I head to Appleton… another great club, by the way. You can see where I will be heading this summer under performances to the right or for full schedule, click on “schedule.” I am excited. Unfortunately, I will be missing out on a couple of Gentlemens Hour shows, but we’ll also be having a couple special guests I think, so no worries… As always, they will all be great shows! I think I might start a new thing every time I make an entry where I give you a little piece of advice before signing out. Today’s advice is: Don’t see the newest Rambo movie.

I am pretty excited.  I just got done with a run in Michigan where I worked out quite a bit of new material and this week I am at the fantastic Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee.  Next week I am at the wonderful Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton, WI.  I love both of those clubs and am super excited to deliver some killer new jokes.  I had fun in Michigan with Brian Green.  We drove together.  That is one thing about life on the road, a lot of the time us, comics, will ride together.  Sometimes you don’t know what to expect and it can be uncomfortable.  Fortunately, I knew Brian and have known him for a while and we had a blast together.  But sometimes, you wonder if saving on gas was worth your car smelling like a huge fart for the week.

After these next two weeks, I will not be home very much over the following three months.  That is good and bad.  Its great because I will be working (doing what I love) nonstop for three months.  That is good for my mental health, the development of me and my act, and financially good.  It sucks because I will not be home.  I will miss my friends and my girlfriend.  I am sure that by the end of the next 2 weeks, my girlfriend will be sick of me enough to where it will be a good thing.  Ha.  Not really, but this lifestyle definitely does force us to appreciate what we both have.

I have been drifting around the internet here and there lately, and realized a lot of comics really get gung-ho about posting stuff and blogging and networking and all sorts of stuff like that.  I do enjoy making videos and posting them and blogging here and there.  I do it for myself.  I do the blogging mainly as a writing exercise just to keep my mind going.  The videos, I do because they’re fun and I like hearing feedback on them.  I sometimes wonder, though, should I be doing more?  Do some people do too much?  I think one reason I don’t do more is because of the lack of feedback.  I do stand up comedy and get an instantaneous response to everything I say, whether its laughter, silence, or booing.  With posting stuff, it isn’t like that.  Myspace allows people to comment and that works IF people comment.  And this website, shit, my most recent guestbook signature is like 2 months old.  So I definitely don’t write thinking 100’s  (or even 10’s) of people are reading it the next day.  Maybe someday… but that would just be more pressure, honestly.  My other hesitation to do more is who really cares?  Who cares what some of these bloggers write about.  Why do I give a shit how angry reality tv makes Joe Schmoe??  I have written about reality tv myself, that’s why I use it as an example.  I guess if its entertaining, sure.  Wow, I just realized how utterly and completely hypocritical this entire blog entry is.  Eh, whatever.  I’m writing this for me.  I have been bombarded by some people and there accounts (myspace, youtube, facebook…) trying to get their #’s up with how many times people have watched their videos.  I guess if your video doesn’t suck balls, go for it.  Some do, though.  Shit, some of mine do…. very few, though.

Alright, enough ranting.  Please drop me a line or something if you see that I will be in a city or state near you.  In this super hard time in the economy, comedy is taking a dive and it is hurting comics pretty bad.  Gas prices up, attendance down, and comics pay the same as 10 years ago.  Next time a comic comes to town, please go see the show.  And if he is selling something after the show, please buy it, not just to have it, but to support them and help them… even if its as dumb as a t-shirt that just says, “I love my hairy balls.” 

Well, I am in Milwaukee and have some time off.  I love performing, but I think this is a well-timed break as I have recently started feeling a little exhausted and have been feeling a little ill in the throat lately.  I think I need this time to rest a bit.  I just got back from a run in North Dakota with the funny Mark Knope.  It was fun, not all that worth my while, but I took it because I was supposed to have a big weekend in Minneapolis, and that fell out at the last minute, and I didn’t want to screw over my friends at the agency that booked in in North Dakota so I did it and had a blast.  Unfortunately, when I got home I realized that my camcorder bag was missing.  It had my camcorder, a ton of tapes, and bunch of cords and stuff I need in it.  I am almost positive someone from the hotel staff took it.  During my whole trip, the camera was only in my trunk and in hotel rooms.  I may have left it in one of the rooms accidentally, but when I called all of them (about 4 to 5 times) everyone told me nothing was found in the rooms.  I normally like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in this case, someone’s lying.  Honestly, the tapes I lost are more important than the camera.  I have already replaced the camera (a HUUUGE thanks to my Gentlemens Hour counterparts for their concern and help with me on that! Those guys are the best.), but the tapes I had in that bag had home video footage of my last bunch of visits with my nieces and nephews in Omaha and a lot of project footage for The Gentlemens Hour stuff and all my recorded stand up for the last 6 months.  I am working on putting a demo tape together for the Boston Comedy Festival and all I have to work with is footage from 2007 where my hair is down past my shoulders… damn, it was beautiful!  I know I probably shouldn’t complain as it could definitely be worse.  That phrase is rarely comforting, as I think I have ranted on in the past.  Well, I am excited to say that I will be performing in Milwaukee at the fabulous Comedy Cafe on Brady at the end of the month and then at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton the next weekend.

    I am trying to think of if I forgot anything I wanted to mention.  Oh, please do yourself a favor and go see Iron Man if you haven’t already.  I have seen it twice and I just love it.  It is great.  I think that’s everything.  Please keep checking in as I will continue to post super duper hilarious updates just like this one.   …yikes, sorry about that.  ”Don’t ya hate it when you drive 13 hours to North Dakota and ya lose your camera and all your tapes….”

Thank you to everyone that came to the Gentlemen’s Hour show this past Friday.  It was a huge success.  We all had a blast and it was just a great night.  I actually just sat down to write for The Gentlemens Hour and thought I would post an entry as I am going out of town tomorrow night and might not get to say hello for a few days.  I was at Pick N Save today and in the check out aisle, I saw a little coffee table book called, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Nascar.”  My first thought was, “Isn’t that a little redundant?”  That’s like having a book called, “The idiot’s guide to being an idiot.”  My second thought was, “Hey, that’s kind of an entertaining observation; I should use that in stand-up.”  My third thought was, “Heeey, maybe I should write about this on my website.”  My fourth thought was, “Oh no, looks like I picked the wrong line to get in.  That line over there is moving a lot faster.”  My fifth thought was, “Maybe I should hop in that line real quick.  Hmmm.”  My sixth thought was, “Oh man, but if I hop over into that line and then this line starts moving, I am gonna be pissed.”  I had a lot more thoughts after that, but they weren’t as exciting.  I recently had the following thought, “Geez, this is a pretty dumb entry.  Maybe I should just erase it, and go to bed.”  My current thought is, “Eh, screw it.  It’s fine.”

I had a really great time working at the Improv this past weekend. Holy cow, is that a great staff! Everyone there treated me like a king. It was really nice. Tonight, we had a run through for our upcoming Gentlemens Hour show at ComedySportz here in Milwaukee. I am pretty excited for it. We are doing some skits that have worked really well at the Alchemist Theatre and are putting them up at this big show along with some new ones. Hope to see you there if you are in town. It’s this Friday, May 2nd at 10pm.
I have recently added a couple of videos from my time at the Improv to the video section of the page. I also added a few different videos to my myspace (www.myspace.com/johnnycomic) Well, it’s 2:29am and I am going to bed. I will be traveling ALL OVER this summer so I hope to see you out on the road. I will be going to Florida, Las Vegas, Kansas, Missouri, Michigan, North Dakota, Indiana… just check out the schedule page. Good night. I love you.

Today was a good day. I booked quite a bit of new work. If you live in the Milwaukee area, I would love for you to come to the Comedy Cafe downtown May 29-31. I will be in Appleton the next week. Also, May 2 (a Friday) we are having our first big all new Gentlemen’s Hour show at ComedySportz in Milwaukee. We’d love to see you there. Not a lot is new. I have been crazy busy on the road. I was in Illinios, Alabama, Ohio, and Wisconsin in the last couple weeks. I am loving it, though. Please take a second to sign the guestbook if you haven’t already 9 times. See you at a show sometime soon, hopefully.

    Well, the new revamped site is up.  I do hope you all enjoy it.  I loved the old one, but, like all things, it needed to be updated.  I just think its much brighter and more positive now.  The old one was cool, but I think this one is more parallel to the mood of my comedy;  Not quite so dark.  A special thank you to Ryan Fitzgerald, my web guy, for designing this new monster.  This should be much easier for me to update from anywhere so hopefully I will be posting posts more often.  I had some new ones that were lost in the transition, but that’s alright.  I have an exciting week ahead of me.  I am seeing Counting Crows tomorrow in Iowa City, and then I am driving to Omaha, NE to see my newest niece!  This weekend, I am headlining a show in Springfield, OH and am driving down with my pal, Tyler Kroll.  Should be a fun road trip.  I’m so used to making these long drives alone.  It might be a little awkward peeing in a gatorade bottle with Tyler next to me, but, hey, what other choice do I have right?

    This past weekend, I put in some quality car time.  I had a few Illinois gigs, then shot down to Alabama for a show at the military base Redstone Arsenal.  The highlight of that trip (besides the photo id laniard that I got to keep) was when I was running from my car to the general’s quarters where we were staying and I fell down and scraped my arm up really bad.  Did I trip?  No.  Am I grown man?  Yes.  I just fell.  28 year olds dont fall down.  10 year olds fall down.  102 year olds fall down.  I have no excuse.  I worked with Michael and Dan Swartswout.  We put on a great show.  Alright, I am going to bed now.  Here is a copied and pasted old post from March 26, 2008 that I think was lost:

    I am sitting in my hotel room and just thought I would do some writing. I normally blog this stream of consciousness stuff on my website, but right now my website is being completely revamped (check it out soon, a whole new look to johnnybeehner.com) so I will post it here. Counting Crows new album came out yesterday and it’s great! You should get it. I was just reading a bunch of articles online about Adam Duritz and what an interesting life he has. I like the similarities between being a traveling comic and that of a rock star. I, by no means, am comparing myself to a rock star. I just mean that a lot of what he says in interviews, I can relate to. I am away from home a lot. I don’t get to see my friends and family as much as most. Basically it’s the negative stuff that people don’t see that I can relate to. Obviously, Adam Duritz has a lot to say about the negative stuff. Also, I am not at all complaining here, either. I love what I am doing. I am excited by my own life and I think it’s important to focus on the good in life. People don’t talk about how lucky they are very much. I think its human nature to complain. I do it a lot. I am just excited because I have written a lot of new material and I feel like I am making my way in life doing what I want to do. I started in 1999 and have been traveling since 2002. It’s weird, my overall mood is generally a reflection of how my writing and performing is going. When I hit a dry spot, usually brought on from pure laziness, I don’t feel good as about myself, but after spikes of heavy writing and good shows, I am very happy. A lot of my recent writing is about my relationship. It’s happy goofy stuff because my relationship is fantastic. My girl is very much like me, and that is just so… I don’t know what word I am looking for, but she’s like a muse. I don’t want my show to be 45 minutes of girlfriend stories, but it’s tough not to talk about her when her suggestion for a mind-blowing closer is “What if you get someone from the audience to come up on stage and smell a bunch of bottles and they have to guess which one you farted in.” I think when I have kids, if they ever ask me when “I knew,” I’ll be able to answer them.

I get to meet interesting inspiring people every day I go to “work.” I am on a run now working with Rick Richards. He’s been at it for 30 years. When someone that has been at it that long compliments you, it’s exciting. I love writing and performing. The legwork behind it is what we get paid for, I think. We don’t get paid to tell jokes and make people laugh. We get paid to drive 12 hours. We’re able to pay our bills because we are constantly on the phone, or emailing, or bugging the shit out of bookers and club-owners in some dumb creative way. Performing is the reward. Writing is hard. I am currently reading Steven King’s “On Writing” and it’s a great book. It’s all about how you have to treat writing like a job and do it EVERY day even when you don’t want to. It’s a great book for anyone to read. I think its kind of old, but I just got it so it’s new to me.

Also, if you live in Milwaukee and haven’t seen The Gentlemen’s Hour, you really need to. It’s our sketch/improv comedy group and we have shows at the Alchemist Theatre every other Sunday. We also have a show May 2nd at ComedySportz. It’s fun and different. Check out thegentlemenshour.com if you haven’t yet. I’m pretty lucky to have met these guys and to be a part of the group. I don’t think it would work with any other people. Mike Kauth, Tyler Kroll, and Patrick Schmitz are funny guys. I think it’s difficult and rare to find people that you mesh with onstage. We have similar senses humor and know each other well so it works. It’s a good balance for me, to be a part of that on top of my solo “do everything yourself” stand up career. My brother, Scott, who happens to be the star of the record breaking smash hit comedy classic, “Tomcats,” is out in LA and he is a member of the Groundlings Sunday Company and the amount of writing he does for that is very inspiring for me as far as writing for the Gentlemen’s Hour. He is definitely the funniest person I know… besides my penis.

Well, that Taco Bell I ate about 3 hours ago is starting to nag for attention, so I better get to bed soon or I will probably get sick. This has been a fun series of ramblings to write. I guess my point with all of this is to say go buy the new Counting Crows album, Saturday Nights and Sunday Mornings. It’s great. And while you are at the record store or on itunes or whatever, also get Kathleen Edwards’ Asking For Flowers album. Tell them Beehner sent you. And when they, “Who? What are you talking about?” just say, “nevermind.”