Johnny Beehner

johnny — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:45:20 +0000

I am having a wonderful day, America. I got up at about 8am. I didn’t have to, but I did and I watched a couple episodes of Saved By The Bell. I realize there probably won’t be a whole lot of substance to this update, but I am just in such a good mood because I am back home for a couple weeks. I had an awesome week at Giggles Comedy Pub this past weekend. Now I am on my couch, watching 24, eating macaroni and cheese. Just a couple of things coming up that I wanted to post. The Gentlemen’s Hour has a big show at ComedySportz in Milwaukee September 5 at 10pm. It’s a Friday night and all new stuff we have not performed there. We also have an all improv show THIS Sunday at the Alchemist Theatre at 8pm. Hope to see you there!

johnny — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 22:49:32 +0000

http://www.expressmilwaukee.com/article-3157-making-it-up.html
Pretty exciting stuff. The Gentlemen’s Hour was reviewed and that is the link to the review. Unfortunately our friends at the Midnight show (Cock N Toast) didn’t get as friendly a review, but keep in mind that their show is based 100% on what comes out of the audience. Anyway, if you read the article, you know that the Gentlemen’s Hour will be performing at Sketchfest THIS Saturday at the Next Act Theater in Milwaukee. Unfortunately, yours truly will not be a part of it as I am and will be in Knoxville, TN, but next week on Sunday August 17 I will be back in action at the Alchemist Theatre.
Well, I am having a great time on the road. I can honestly say I truly feel like I live on the road. When I am home, it feels great, but I constantly feel like I have to leave town soon, and usually I do within 2 days. I guess that is what this time of my life is for. Since I haven’t written in a while, I thought I would write a little bit about what I have been experiencing from the crowds. When I was in Livonia, MI, a lady brought a big white chocolate penis on a stick to me. No, it didn’t have anything to do with what I was talking about. I asked where the bachelorette party was, and there wasn’t any. This lady just had it in her purse. Wow. In St. Louis, I asked a guy decorated in birthday gear how old he was and he responded with, “Gay??” I said, “what?” And he said, “Did you just call me gay?” I should take some of the videos of past shows and put them together into a montage of bizarre things happening… but I probably won’t. After I got offstage in Florida, some guy just collapsed and the paramedics came and took him away and it was a huge ordeal, but the crowd was so rowdy and loud that nobody except the people on the far left side of the room even noticed.
I recently had a show that really reminded me how you never really reach a point where you are safe from tough shows. I have been doing great for quite a while and as good as that feels, and as crappy as bad shows feel, they do serve a purpose. It keeps you on your toes and prevents you from getting lazy. I recently had a show where I really don’t think I had a fighting chance at making these people laugh. Many people did laugh and have a great time, but a small (and very vocal) part of the crowd ended that. I thought my worst show of my life was behind me when I wrote about that post prom I did a few years ago. I was wrong. First of all, all shows before and after this show were great. But this one did me in. It’s wierd how angry and crushed I was after this show, but in a sick odd way, it almost felt good. You ever have the shit beat out of you physically? It sucks and it hurts, but there’s some sort of rush that comes with it. This was kind of like that, but it was hard to see it or appreciate it until some time had gone by. By the way, I know I shouldn’t be spilling my failings on my website here, but I have to be honest. Some shows don’t work for some people. I felt like was at the Apollo… and that’s how I was treated, too. Here is a brief description of my situation for the night:
The headliner was supposed to be Greer Barnes. Yes, Greer Barnes is his name. His credits include the Chappelle show. He was sick or something and didn’t perform that week so Warren B Hall filled in. Warren is a great comic, and friend of mine. Both are black. A lady comes up to the ticket booth and complains, “HE ain’t here this week? I was told HE (points to picture of Greer) would be here! I wanted to see HIM.” The staff apologizes and tells her that Warren is very funny and will be headlining. She continues, “But I came here to see Greg!” (note: nobody’s name performing or scheduled to perform is Greg.) Once again, staff apologizes and assures her that Warren is very funny. She says, “Is he black??” They say yes. She says, “Alright. Then I’ll take 2 tickets.” Did Johnny Beehner really have a chance with this lady?

johnny — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:29:38 +0000

Well, my long run on the road is almost done. Even though I will only be home for two days before I head back out on the road, I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed. I am in my hotel room in Matthews, NC. I haven’t been home since the 2nd. I saw a commercial for Sleep Number mattresses that had some disney band talking about how they are on the road for 20 days at a time and its nice to come home to their sleep # bed. I wonder if they sleep in their Chevy Cavalier in Wal-Mart parking lots some nights on the road, too. I am very grateful to all my extended family across the country that has let me crash at their place, cousin Reggie and Beth, cousin Jacinta and Thore, and brother Ben. 2 shows tonight here in NC. 2 shows tomorrow and then 14 hours home. Then Tuesday I head out to Mortys in Indianapolis. Oh, and I got some exciting news! In October I will be doing a split week in Peoria, IL. I am headlining the Thursday and Friday, and then Saturday and Sunday, I will be opening for ROBERT KLEIN. Oh, and a thank you to all of you that read my blog from myspace and contributed your thoughts. I solved my turd burglar problem and have a new extended bit that actually goes over pretty well onstage. (www.myspace.com/johnnycomic) Right now I’m watching Firestarter on AMC. Man, Drew Barrymore sure is hot.

johnny — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:53:38 +0000

Hello, fans of johnnybeehner.com. I am in my hotel room in Jacksonville, FL. It is awesome here. I am working the Comedy Zone here with Louis Ramey. Louis is great. Today was kinda cool, cause after I got off stage and the mc announced Louis, I ran to my room and put on Last Comic Standing only to see Louis Ramey being announced as a finalist into the house. I gotta be honest, I have never really followed that show much. I watched the episode tonight and realized I’m not really much of a fan. I have auditioned for it before and will probably do it again, if its convenient (I made it to the night round in Chicago in season 2) but it really isn’t a a legit show. Any comic knows its rigged as far as who they take. But also, its more of a Real World type reality show than a contest of stand up. It just focuses on comics talking shit about each other and that is really the last thing we need. Oh, well. Whatever. Its always fun to watch the first few episodes to see my friends on it… even though they have made some of my friends that are great comics look like open mic-ers with inconvenient editing.
My girl, Erin is here with me and that is super nice. Today we went to the beach and I got some color playing in the waves. I hadn’t seen her in almost 2 weeks and won’t see her for 2 weeks after she leaves. So we are trying to live it up and enjoy our time here. Good night, friends.

johnny — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:06:04 +0000

I performed a show for 5 people tonight. I have had some really memorable great fun shows in front of small intimate crowds before. Tonight was alright. They were fun. I am working with fellow Milwaukee pal, Brian Green, again. I haven’t been home in just under 2 weeks. I will be home Sunday and Monday and then I am off again for either 3 or 4 weeks. Daaamn. I’m having fun performing, but keeping myself productive and positive during the day is getting tough. I showcased at a club I have never been to in Kansas City last night and it went great so hopefully I will be get some work from that club. It’s called Famous Johnny’s so hopefully some day soon Johnny can be performing at Johnny’s. Wow, I think I am really tired. That was the gayest thing I have ever typed.

I am laying in bed in my hotel room watching the Steve Wilkos show. I am pretty sure he was the bouncer for the Jerry Springer show and he somehow got his own show. I am not a fan of his at all. I have flipped through his show a few times before and his show is really something else. I wasn’t sure what to write about, and his show just gave me an answer. He has a part of his show called “Steve’s Mailbag” He reads emails people send him and responds. The first one was some guy telling him his show is fake. He responded by telling him, no it isn’t and calling the guy a moron. I’m sold. The next one was some guy that was a recovering crack head telling Steve that his show helped him stay sober through tough love. Wow, that guy really is a moron… if that’s even a real email. Someone else wrote in saying that Steve is a jerk and all he does is yell at people in “dire straits” and that he should help them and not be such a pompous ass. Steve told him he was a moron and said that his show is part of “moron-free tv” and that so morons like him aren’t allowed to watch his show. I wish I had a role model like Steve Wilkos when I was growing up. Then maybe today I would be dildo. Oh, well.

johnny — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 07:40:54 +0000

It is 2:37am. I just packed and tomorrow I am heading back out on the road for a month. I am pretty excited. I am leaving for Wichita, KS tomorrow. From there, I go to St. Peters, MO, then to South Carolina, and then Florida for 2 weeks. Should be fun. I worked with Tommy Chong this past weekend at Zanies. That was great. Man, he has some weird fans.

My girlfriend and I got a Nintendo Wii recently and I love it. It is great. Unfortunately you can connect your Wii to the internet and buy a bunch of old Nintendo games from when you were young (and really into video games) and so I am broke and haven’t really written much in about a week and a half. I did write one new joke on Saturday, but it bombed horribly the first time I tried it. The cool thing about the Wii is that you can lie to yourself and believe that you are working out when all you are really doing is just swinging one of your arms around. I wonder if one arm can get stronger than the other from playing Wii. When I was younger, I used to be worried that one of my arms would be way bigger than the other from playing with my wii-ner.

johnny — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 06:47:41 +0000

A huge thanks to everyone that came to the Comedy Cafe this past weekend. Saturday’s show was fantastic! I had a blast and the new stuff I am working on went over great. It was a blast working with Dylan Bolan, Dan Diebert, and Mike Merryfield. (See pic on pictures page) I’m writing now because I will be on the road nonstop for most of the summer starting this Wednesday when I head to Appleton… another great club, by the way. You can see where I will be heading this summer under performances to the right or for full schedule, click on “schedule.” I am excited. Unfortunately, I will be missing out on a couple of Gentlemens Hour shows, but we’ll also be having a couple special guests I think, so no worries… As always, they will all be great shows! I think I might start a new thing every time I make an entry where I give you a little piece of advice before signing out. Today’s advice is: Don’t see the newest Rambo movie.

johnny — Thu, 29 May 2008 06:16:22 +0000

I am pretty excited. I just got done with a run in Michigan where I worked out quite a bit of new material and this week I am at the fantastic Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee. Next week I am at the wonderful Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton, WI. I love both of those clubs and am super excited to deliver some killer new jokes. I had fun in Michigan with Brian Green. We drove together. That is one thing about life on the road, a lot of the time us, comics, will ride together. Sometimes you don’t know what to expect and it can be uncomfortable. Fortunately, I knew Brian and have known him for a while and we had a blast together. But sometimes, you wonder if saving on gas was worth your car smelling like a huge fart for the week.

After these next two weeks, I will not be home very much over the following three months. That is good and bad. Its great because I will be working (doing what I love) nonstop for three months. That is good for my mental health, the development of me and my act, and financially good. It sucks because I will not be home. I will miss my friends and my girlfriend. I am sure that by the end of the next 2 weeks, my girlfriend will be sick of me enough to where it will be a good thing. Ha. Not really, but this lifestyle definitely does force us to appreciate what we both have.

I have been drifting around the internet here and there lately, and realized a lot of comics really get gung-ho about posting stuff and blogging and networking and all sorts of stuff like that. I do enjoy making videos and posting them and blogging here and there. I do it for myself. I do the blogging mainly as a writing exercise just to keep my mind going. The videos, I do because they’re fun and I like hearing feedback on them. I sometimes wonder, though, should I be doing more? Do some people do too much? I think one reason I don’t do more is because of the lack of feedback. I do stand up comedy and get an instantaneous response to everything I say, whether its laughter, silence, or booing. With posting stuff, it isn’t like that. Myspace allows people to comment and that works IF people comment. And this website, shit, my most recent guestbook signature is like 2 months old. So I definitely don’t write thinking 100’s (or even 10’s) of people are reading it the next day. Maybe someday… but that would just be more pressure, honestly. My other hesitation to do more is who really cares? Who cares what some of these bloggers write about. Why do I give a shit how angry reality tv makes Joe Schmoe?? I have written about reality tv myself, that’s why I use it as an example. I guess if its entertaining, sure. Wow, I just realized how utterly and completely hypocritical this entire blog entry is. Eh, whatever. I’m writing this for me. I have been bombarded by some people and there accounts (myspace, youtube, facebook…) trying to get their #’s up with how many times people have watched their videos. I guess if your video doesn’t suck balls, go for it. Some do, though. Shit, some of mine do…. very few, though.

Alright, enough ranting. Please drop me a line or something if you see that I will be in a city or state near you. In this super hard time in the economy, comedy is taking a dive and it is hurting comics pretty bad. Gas prices up, attendance down, and comics pay the same as 10 years ago. Next time a comic comes to town, please go see the show. And if he is selling something after the show, please buy it, not just to have it, but to support them and help them… even if its as dumb as a t-shirt that just says, “I love my hairy balls.”

johnny — Tue, 13 May 2008 04:28:40 +0000

Well, I am in Milwaukee and have some time off. I love performing, but I think this is a well-timed break as I have recently started feeling a little exhausted and have been feeling a little ill in the throat lately. I think I need this time to rest a bit. I just got back from a run in North Dakota with the funny Mark Knope. It was fun, not all that worth my while, but I took it because I was supposed to have a big weekend in Minneapolis, and that fell out at the last minute, and I didn’t want to screw over my friends at the agency that booked in in North Dakota so I did it and had a blast. Unfortunately, when I got home I realized that my camcorder bag was missing. It had my camcorder, a ton of tapes, and bunch of cords and stuff I need in it. I am almost positive someone from the hotel staff took it. During my whole trip, the camera was only in my trunk and in hotel rooms. I may have left it in one of the rooms accidentally, but when I called all of them (about 4 to 5 times) everyone told me nothing was found in the rooms. I normally like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in this case, someone’s lying. Honestly, the tapes I lost are more important than the camera. I have already replaced the camera (a HUUUGE thanks to my Gentlemens Hour counterparts for their concern and help with me on that! Those guys are the best.), but the tapes I had in that bag had home video footage of my last bunch of visits with my nieces and nephews in Omaha and a lot of project footage for The Gentlemens Hour stuff and all my recorded stand up for the last 6 months. I am working on putting a demo tape together for the Boston Comedy Festival and all I have to work with is footage from 2007 where my hair is down past my shoulders… damn, it was beautiful! I know I probably shouldn’t complain as it could definitely be worse. That phrase is rarely comforting, as I think I have ranted on in the past. Well, I am excited to say that I will be performing in Milwaukee at the fabulous Comedy Cafe on Brady at the end of the month and then at the Skyline Comedy Cafe in Appleton the next weekend.

I am trying to think of if I forgot anything I wanted to mention. Oh, please do yourself a favor and go see Iron Man if you haven’t already. I have seen it twice and I just love it. It is great. I think that’s everything. Please keep checking in as I will continue to post super duper hilarious updates just like this one. …yikes, sorry about that. ”Don’t ya hate it when you drive 13 hours to North Dakota and ya lose your camera and all your tapes….”

johnny — Mon, 05 May 2008 05:49:14 +0000

Thank you to everyone that came to the Gentlemen’s Hour show this past Friday. It was a huge success. We all had a blast and it was just a great night. I actually just sat down to write for The Gentlemens Hour and thought I would post an entry as I am going out of town tomorrow night and might not get to say hello for a few days. I was at Pick N Save today and in the check out aisle, I saw a little coffee table book called, “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Nascar.” My first thought was, “Isn’t that a little redundant?” That’s like having a book called, “The idiot’s guide to being an idiot.” My second thought was, “Hey, that’s kind of an entertaining observation; I should use that in stand-up.” My third thought was, “Heeey, maybe I should write about this on my website.” My fourth thought was, “Oh no, looks like I picked the wrong line to get in. That line over there is moving a lot faster.” My fifth thought was, “Maybe I should hop in that line real quick. Hmmm.” My sixth thought was, “Oh man, but if I hop over into that line and then this line starts moving, I am gonna be pissed.” I had a lot more thoughts after that, but they weren’t as exciting. I recently had the following thought, “Geez, this is a pretty dumb entry. Maybe I should just erase it, and go to bed.” My current thought is, “Eh, screw it. It’s fine.”