Happy Halloween, everyone.  I dont have any hilarious halloween stories for today.  Well, none other than the one I have been telling onstage for the past 5 years of when I dressed up as a “wiener” for halloween in 5th grade on the wrong day.  Anyway, my main reason for writing is just to say that the wonderful world of unemployment is scary, but do-able.  Comedy is going quite alright.  If you take a look at my schedule or shows page, you will see that I have recently landed a lot of work.  A lot of that is due to the word of mouth of some great comics I have worked with, I think.  So thank you to everyone that has helped me along the way.  Well, as far as sinking or swimming, I think I will be swimming for a while now.

    It is weird, when you are unemployed and do nothing all day, you eventually start to feel like a turd.  It’s important to trick yourself into doing things that you can convince yourself are considered worthwhile things.  Before I got laid off, I could relax in the evening telling myself that I helped 25-30 borrowers refinance or purchase their homes that day.  That’s a feeling of accomplishment.  As a comedian, I only feel like I have accomplished something after a show.  Well, those are only at night ususally Thurs- Saturdays.  So in order to not feel like garbage during the week, you tell yourself that other things are important and “hard work.”  Like the other day, I was able to relax without feeling guilty for being a piece of crap all day because I had checked my email, went to the grocery store, and put 2 Netflix movies in the mailbox (both of which I had watched that day).    Well, just writing this update on my website is enough to relax guilt free for I’d say 3 days now.  Thanks, everyone.

Today is a special day for everyone.

This past Wednesday, October 10, 2007, a very good friend of mine died.  Tony Miller.  This is a horribly sad time for everyone that knew him.  I have read a lot of comments from comics and friends on his myspace page and on their own.  Its very clear that Tony was a very special guy.  He really was the concrete that held the Milwaukee comics community together.  He ran the SafeHouse open mic for years after Tom Clark moved to LA.  He was so supportive of new comics.  I remember my first time going on stage at the SafeHouse.  I was so proud of myself because I thought it went pretty well.  Tony came up to me after the show and made me feel like Seinfeld.  He was so impressed and just showered me with so much praise and support.  Granted, I ate it more times on that stage after that night than I care to keep track of, but Tony always saw past what the audience saw.  He knew when you were working out a new bit and it didn’t work quite yet, but he saw the premise and supported you.  For the longest time I had only known Tony through the SafeHouse.  Then one night he called me up, and took me out on the road for some real gigs.  That was when I got to see Tony perform a full hour headlining set in front of a crowd of fresh new people that we didn’t know and didn’t know us.  And he killed.  Tony always did great at the SafeHouse, but on the road, at paid gigs he really gave audiences a show worth paying for.  Tony gave me more stage time than anyone else ever has.  I am the comic I am today thanks to Tony Miller.  He will definitely be missed.

Well, I had a GREAT first weekend of being unemployed!  I got to work with my friend Greg Hahn once again!  It has been over 5 years since we worked together.  Greg got me my first feature road gig.  I really had a blast.  My girl, Erin, came with me to Peoria, and my buddy, fellow comic, Brett Erickson met up with us at the club.  It was just such a great weekend.  I had 4 fantastic shows.  Greg had 4 great shows.  Greg is definitely one of those few comics that I can watch every show and not get sick of, but actually laugh really hard at each time.  I have booked 2 gigs since getting let go at COUNTRYWIDE.  Yeah, I said it!  Countrywide!  It’s weird, I have never seen more commercials on tv or on the radio for countrywide than since I got laid off.  I wonder if that was part of their plan.  “Alright, Beehner’s gone, let’s do a media-blitz!!”   I hated those ads before, and I hate em still.  Ya know one thing that is weird, I thought after I got laid off it would be hard to work out and try to get in shape, but I have actually exercised everyday since (besides the weekend, that’s for drinking).  Okay, speaking of which, time for me to do my 5 jumping jacks and then take a nap.  Good night, America.

Well, I had a GREAT first weekend of being unemployed!  I got to work with my friend Greg Hahn once again!  It has been over 5 years since we worked together.  Greg got me my first feature road gig.  I really had a blast.  My girl, Erin, came with me to Peoria, and my buddy, fellow comic, Brett Erickson met up with us at the club.  It was just such a great weekend.  I had 4 fantastic shows.  Greg had 4 great shows.  Greg is definitely one of those few comics that I can watch every show and not get sick of, but actually laugh really hard at each time.  I have booked 2 gigs since getting let go at COUNTRYWIDE.  Yeah, I said it!  Countrywide!  It’s weird, I have never seen more commercials on tv or on the radio for countrywide than since I got laid off.  I wonder if that was part of their plan.  “Alright, Beehner’s gone, let’s do a media-blitz!!”   I hated those ads before, and I hate em still.  Ya know one thing that is weird, I thought after I got laid off it would be hard to work out and try to get in shape, but I have actually exercised everyday since (besides the weekend, that’s for drinking).  Okay, speaking of which, time for me to do my 5 jumping jacks and then take a nap.  Good night, America.

I am officially a full time stand up comedian. I was laid off this afternoon from my dayjob. It was due to industry changes. The fact that I only worked about 18 hours a week average was why I was one of the lucky ones. I feel bad for the others that got laid off with me. They suck at telling jokes! This really is a strange feeling. Yeah, I loved the people I work with (except one) and all that bullshit so there’s no hard feelings at all. But it really is a strange feeling. I was told about 2 hours ago that I don’t have a job. For the past 5 years, I could not wait for this day, but now that its here and its real… It’s very strange. I am not panicky or scared yet. I am sure that will come soon enough. I do have comedy, even though, and few people know this, comics make almost enough to cover their cell phone bill every month and that’s about it. I often wonder who reads my updates here on my website, and I occasionally found out that brokers that were clients of mine read it. Well, if you’re reading this now, guess what, you did such a crappy job of getting us loans that I got fired! I’m kidding. Honestly, I should send you a gift basket. This is scary, but definitely what I needed to hopefully make that next step. And that next step is, of course, sleeping til noon every day.

Is it inappropriate to have a huge smile on your face WHILE you are being read a long speech about why you no longer have a job with the company by your boss? I was sitting there listening and my internal monologue was going, “YES!! It’s finally here! No more waiting, no more wondering!! Man, I wish he would hurry up with this speech, I could probably catch a cheap matinee if I leave right away.” I wouldn’t have been surprised if my boss stopped mid-speech and said, “Like in any industry, change is necessary and in this- Ugh, Beehner, you DO know I’m firing you, right?” It was very liberating. I doubt I will still be glowing in a week when I’m eating cigarette butts next to the bridge I will be living under. Wow, that would really be something, if my life goes so south that I’m actually living under a bridge within ONE week!

And don’t think I’m not a silver lining kinda guy. I am. I have already taken advantage of my current situation. I have been about 3000 miles overdue for an oil change for some time now. I was going to go on my lunch break today to do it not realizing just how long of a lunch break I’d be given. Anyway, I went to the dealership where (first of all, let me interject by telling you that those guys at the dealership have been trying to sell me brake service every single time I have gone in there since the day I last got brake service! I only go there cause it supposedly costs me a buck. I haven’t paid only a buck there YET! They always con me into some sort of extra crap. Last time I was there, they sold me one of those truck-bed covers, and my car’s not even a truck! … okay, that was an exaggeration, but you get my point) the guy starts telling me about how my filter is dirty and my brakes really need servicing and pulls out this little toy looking piece of garbage and says, “This is your doodley-hoodly (or whatever its called), look how dirty it is. You really should replace that.” and he kept going on about how this and that is so important and I looked at him while he was still talking and said, “I just lost my job 30 minutes ago.” He stopped, apologized, put my doodley-hoodly in his pocket, and walked away. It was actually kind of nice. I’m gonna have to try that next time my girlfriend says she has a headache! I’ll remind her that I lost my job and see if she’ll put my doodley-hoodly in her pocket.

Well America, if you need to laugh or you know anyone that has a company that needs to laugh, hire me for your private party. Johnny Beehner, corporate jack-ass. Ya know its times like these that I am glad that over the past 5 years, every time I got a paycheck, I would take $100 out and put it aside, and then use it to buy pornography. Think about it, if I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have $13,000 worth of porn right now! In all honesty, I think its classic that last week Friday I was given my 5 year pin by my boss and shook his hand in front of everybody at the branch meeting. Alright, well, now I am going to do all those things I always wanted to during the week, but never had time. I can cross off “update my website more often” and “drink a Corona at noon.” Now its time work on that “sleep through the 2nd half of the day and do nothing.” Have a great day, everyone. I know I will.

Well, I was a little behind in posting my pictures on my site, but I just updated that so check that out.  Also, I just had a super great time at Zanies in Chicago.  I worked with Prescott Tolk again and that was fun.  I also worked with Ken Rogerson.  HE was great.  This is pretty exciting, I have a video on www.crackle.com that has been viewed over 21,000 times!!  Its the dayjob one.  So that is pretty exciting.  I recently saw Ryan Adams & The Cardinals live… if you get a chance to see him, do it!!  It was a great show.  They played for just under 3 hours and were having a lot of fun.  I am VERY excited for this weekend as I will be reuniting with my pal that got me my first roadwork, GREG HAHN!!!   wahoooo!  Jukebox comedy club in Peoria, IL.  Then next week I am back home at the comedy cafe in milwaukee.  That will also be a blast.  Not much else new to report.  I’ve got some new material that has been going over pretty well, so I am happy about that.  Hope to see you all soon out on the road sometime.