Thank you to everyone that went out to the comedy cafe this past weekend to support stand-up comedy.  Holy cow, what a great weekend.  And a big thank you to the Comedy Cafe staff and JD for having me.  That was such a great weekend.  I really had fun.  I am excited for the upcoming months, too, as I have a lot of comedy on my plate coming up.  I am heading to bed now.  Here is my new joke for you:  Do you know why our eyes are above our nose and our mouths are below our noses on our faces?  A:  Cause if it was the other way around, we would all look really stupid.  I’m out! (imagine me slamming the mic down and walking offstage all cool.)

    I am performing at the Comedy Cafe and call time is in about 50 minutes or so.  I am pretty excited, as I have been less than satisfied with some recent shows I have had.  Hopefully this weekend will recharge my battery.  I think I am just gonna try to go rapid-fire through all of my favorite jokes in the first 3- 5 minutes and then just try to have fun through the rest.  I may tape it for a demo for the Las Vegas Comedy Festival.  Who knows.  Anyway, I plan on reporting back to my site when I get home tonight.  Attitude going into the show:  Enthusiasm and excitement!  Stay tuned….

    And I am back!  The show went great!  I’m working with Red, Will Krolowitz, Geoff LaFluer, and Nick Gaza.  I had a blast.  I hope to get a picture of all of us to throw up on this site before the weekend is over.  (that didn’t happen)  Attitude after the show:  Satisfaction and relief.  I am actually watching the tape of my set right now, (thanks for taping my set, Will) I haven’t done this in a while.  I used to ALWAYS tape my shows, and review them when I got home.  That is a good habit and one I should get back into.  It has just been nice not bothering with the stress of setting up a camera and being out of the way, and having a full battery, etc.  I tell ya I am excited for October through December, actually through January because I have a LOT of roadwork coming up.  That will be really nice.  I have recently been doing local stuff and travelling non-comedy related.  Anyway, tonight was fun.  Not a lot else is new.  Okay, I am going to finish watching my set and do some writing.  Oh, a special shout out to Kathy and John Deely for coming out to the show to support me!  It was great having you there.  Same goes for David G and his wife.  I know my comedy wasn’t too “dark,” but I hope you liked it.

    I was asking a friend of mine if there was ever a time in her life when she thought she was going to die, like really feared for her life.  She said, “Why are you asking me this?”  I told her, “I don’t know,” but it was really because I have nothing else to talk to her about.  Anyway, I didn’t even care for her response, I just wanted her to ask me the same question and when she did, I said, “Oh my gosh, let me think.”  And then I told her about what my sister used to do to me when I was little.  I hadn’t thought about it in a long time.  I actually used to think I was close to death quite often.  I don’t argue the fact that I was probably not an easy brother to live with, but I didn’t deserve this.  She used to sit on my face on the couch and tickle my exposed appendages.  It is horrifying to think that you are about to both die and pee all over yourself.  It is also hard to scream for help when you are both laughing and buried under an ass.  They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.  I am not sure how the Hell that applies to this situation.

    Oh, here is a funny story.  I was following a truck for about a half an hour on the highway on my way home from Platteville the other day.  (It gets funnier, keep reading)  The back of the truck said, “We deliver and install AAA batteries.”  What I didn’t realize until I passed the truck and saw it from the sideview was that it was a AAA truck.  You know, the company that gets you out of a jam when your car screws you over on the side of the road?  They were referring to AAA brand car batteries, I guess.   The truck didn’t have the little AAA logo, ya know the 3 A’s with a circle around them, on the back of the truck, just on the side.  So I was thinking to myself for a good thirty some minutes, “Who the Hell starts a company delivering and installing little tiny batteries?!?!   Who the Hell can’t figure out how to install a AAA battery into their remote control or clock?  … Who the Hell would even assume such a company exists that delivers and installs AAA batteries, let alone call it for help?!”  Then I pulled up alongside the truck, saw the AAA logo and realized that both myself AND AAA are morons.

    The Gentlemen’s Hour show was a success.  Thank you to everyone that came to the show.  We had a lot of people there and it was a lot of fun.  I was in Platteville last night performing stand up at the Arthur House.  It’s funny how sometimes the less you prep for a show, the better it is.  Sometimes the complete opposite is true.  I had a blast last night at the show.  There were not a lot of people there as, apparently, we were competing with a tractor-pull.  That’s Plattevile for ya.

    Man, I go all day thinking of these fantastic insights I have that I need to put down on my web-site here, and then I get here and start writing and I don’t feel I have much to say.  I was invited to the San Francisco Comedy Competition a couple weeks ago.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough notice and couldn’t arrange for it, but I really hope to do it next year.

    Oh, this is pretty important:  My good buddy Jim Otepka is walking in the annual Light the Night walk this coming Thursday Sept 14.  It is a walk to help raise money for the national Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  If you know me, you know that I usually don’t post stuff like this, but this really is a good cause so if you would like to either participate or make a donation, here is the link:    http://www.active.com/donate/ltnBrookf/1781_jotepka

    Thanks again to everyone that made it out to the Gentlemen’s Hour show on Friday.  We really do appreciate all of you.  Be sure to check out www.thegentlemenshour.com     Oh, and one more thing, a few of the pages on my site have been revamped a little.  I hope you like the added touches.  Thanks for checking in at www.johnnybeehner.com

I was in Chicago this past weekend doing a show and visiting my good ole’ buddy, Gip. Gip is marrying his wonderful girlfriend, Sarah. Congrats to you two. Anyhow, me and Gip got to talking about the irony of having a girlfriend. He brought up a good point of how when you have a girlfriend, they kind of keep you up to some sort of societal standard as far as fashion, hygiene, etc that we, as men, probably would not otherwise maintain. They basically keep us looking respectable, sometimes even good. It is ironic, he pointed out, how when one has a girlfriend that keeps you looking nice and whatnot, that is when other girls tend to show interest and actually talk to you. But when we don’t have a girlfriend, girls tend to, for the most part, pass us by. We had a chuckle. Then I thought about it more, and realized that, since being broken up with my last girlfriend, I have been type-cast as a homeless man THREE times.

The first time was in the fake trailer you can see at www.thePhatPhree.com. The second time was me honestly being mistaken for a homeless person at a Burger King (while performing Taco Man, thank you), and just recently in a sketch for our upcoming Gentlemen’s Hour show… this Friday at 10pm at ComedySportz in Milwaukee. $5 admision. I guess the moral of my story is…. girls are gay?