Well, it has been about 15 hours since my last post here and I must say I am a bit disappointed at the small number of people that clicked on my wiener!  I am joking, I am sure that, in time, my wonderful childrens sitcom will get picked up.  Now I would really like to vent.  And it is too bad that probably 85% of the male population and possibly a large % of the female population will disagree with my opinion when I say that sports games should NOT be broadcast on Sunday nights on fox!!  Isn’t that what ESPN is for?!?  I mean, yes, the Simpsons has been slightly sub-par lately… especially compared to their prime seasons, and who am I to judge anyway, but that doesn’t give FOX the right to pick what I want to watch!!  They are basically saying, “Johnny, you HAVE to watch baseball!!”  Look, if I wanted to be bored out of my mind AND not know what the hell is going on, I would go back to school!!  I chose to be a comedian for one reason:  to not watch baseball!!   Now FOX is trying to control my life!!  Oh, well.

Hey, I have a question for all you buttholes, out there.  If you went to a comedy show, say this Saturday night, and one of the comedians was wearing a spandex spiderman costume, would you be distracted or would you still be able to enjoy his show?  What if the comic was kind of chubby because he always eats Totino’s party pizzas folded in half like tacos for dinner?  What if it was so tight because they dont make spiderman costumes that fit really tall people and there was a tear in the stitching right behind his right ball because when he first tried it on, he bent over to zip it up and a bunch of material burst??  Ya see I want to wear it as an homage to the very superhero that served as both a role model and tooth brush holder to me as a child, but after putting on the costume, I am afraid that if the real spiderman saw me wearing it, he would think I was making fun of him.  I mean let’s be honest, I have never seen one of spiderman’s balls flop out of his costume while trying to save a damsel in distress, let alone zip up his own costume!!  I need to lose some weight.  Not just for respect of Spiderman, but also for myself.  Oh, and for Peter Parker, as well.  (Don’t worry, Spidey, your secret’s safe with me!)

    CLICK ON MY CROTCH IN THE SPIDERMAN PICTURE TO THE RIGHT.  Its a hidden link to a video that I made.  I made a pilot for a childrens show and I hope it gets picked up.  It’s called Brain of Beehner and hopefully one of these days, you will see it on your local tv.

I am pretty excited because I placed in the Chicago chapter of the Carnival Comedy Challenge at Zanies this week.  I took 3rd so hopefully soon you can see me on the Zanies stages more often and on a few Comedy Zone Stages.  That’s honestly a pretty big step in my career so I am happy about that.  I also recently worked with Steve Sabo.  He’s a great guy.  Okay, not much else is new.  Hmmm.  Yep, nothing.

    It is about 3:40am Saturday night.  I performed in Madison, WI this weekend.  I love that club.  I am not sure why I am writing tonight.  I don’t have much new to say.  Oh, I added a video clip to the Media page.  It’s at the bottom and its called “Tracy MArhal Sucks” because… well, Tracy Marhal sucks.  Actually, its just a clip of a new bit I am working on that was inspired by a semi-true event involving my good pal, Tracy who is out in New York kicking ass on the comedy scene out there!

If you are in the Milwaukee or Waukesha area in the coming weeks, check out my “shows” page.  I am finally featuring at the Comedy Cafe in Milwaukee so that will be a riot.  Actually, I believe that I am CO-featuring with my friend, Michael D.  That is the last weekend of Oct and then in November I am headling at T-Rex Pizza in Waukesha.  Hope to see you buttholes out there.

    I hate cops.  If you are a cop, I apologize… No, I don’t, I hate you.  You suckl.  Let me ask you this, cop:  Why do you feel the need to sit in your stupid little cop car all day and be an asshole?  I am just trying to understand your way of life.  Since one of you or one of your cop-friends gave me a ticket that I really don’t need, I came up with some advice for you.  1) If you are not going to give someone just a warning, don’t tell them that you thought about giving them just a warning and then changed your mind!  2) If at the end of your stupid little dumb-ass speech, you ask, “do you have any questions for me?” and the person DOES have a question, don’t roll your eyes and sigh really loud when they say, “yes, I do.”  3) You are an ass-hole.  4) Don’t take so damn long in your car writing my ticket.  I am pretty sure while you were in your car, I saw you masturbating.  Maybe it was just the blinding lights of your car blasting into my eyes off of my rearview mirror, but I think I saw you masturbating to my driver’s license picture!!!  I may be wrong.  Anyway, good luck with the rest of your stupid life, you dumb cop.

Also, I added a couple new pictures to the media page so check that out.