Well, it has been an interesting day. I found out last night that my ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend. Granted, we have been apart for quite a while, it still really stings. We are still really great friends. It is so weird how knowing something can totally change the way you feel. I had even suspected it as she usually ceases initiating communication with me when she is either seeing someone or hears a false rumor about me seeing someone. But just knowing (she pretty much told me), is strange. As dumbshit as it sounds, I am happy. I am happy for her if he makes her happy, but also happy for me because now I can go out and chase some exotic tail without wondering if there is still a chance for me and her. And when I say “chase some exotic tail,” I, of course mean, “masturbate while crying.” Actually, this is best. We were perfect together, but we wanted different things. I honestly believe that is the most difficult kind of break up there is. You both love each other, but you both know you need different things to be happy, even though each other is one of the things you think you need. Well, my thing is comedy and as almost any comic can tell you in regards to having a relationship and pursuing comedy, good fucking luck. I am not blaming her or anything like that, just to be clear, I just don’t think I could make her as happy as she deserves to be if I am always on the road and traveling (and broke). She was willing to make it work and we tried for a while. Anyway, enough of that. Now I have to come up with a bunch of lies to tell myself to make myself feel better about how doing comedy is better than having a girlfriend. Lie #1) Who needs boobs when you can have some drunken hillbilly dipshit yell, “Do scooby doo!!” when you are in the middle of your set that has nothing to do with impressions or Scooby doo.(true story) Lie #2) What better way to end a long hard day than to crawl into bed and snuggle up to no-one and reflect on how your “new shit” didn’t go over very well. Lie #3) If you ever get lonely and sad, you can always tell yourself a joke. Hooray!