Sometimes its good to be a pussy. Let’s say, for example, you had a horrible show. It wasn’t necessarily the crowds fault, but…. Yes, it was. There is only so much you can say to a completely drunk lady on her cell phone that only gets off her phone to yell out, “Tiny Wiener!!! Braghahahhaha!!!” once overy nine seconds. Okay, so let’s say you have a horrible show. So bad that you decide you need to drive through the weather advisory blizzard to get home just to get away from where this train wreck of a show took place. So you check out and you are drudging all your bags and crap across the huge hotel parking lot which is packed because, let’s say Ashlee Simpson was performing at the theater attached to the hotel. You are crossing the parking lot and an SUV drives up to where you are, stops and lays on its horn as if to say, “Get out of the damn way, you waste of life!!” You are now at a cross-roads. You can either be a pussy and do nothing, but hurry along OR you can drop your bags, turn toward the car, and yell at their windshield as loud as it feels good to, “What the fuck is your problem!?!?!” Sometimes its good to be a pussy. Believe it or not, this very scenerio happened to me in Merrillville, IN… “gateway to Gary.” (I stole that joke from the tape they play before every show… I don’t even get it.) I went with option: Pussy. And thank God I did because it turns out, they had come from the show and their annoying honk was meant as a hello. I know this because I got out of their way, they scooted up, rolled down their window, and said, “Good show, Beehner. Too bad that lady was such a bitch.” So that was nice.
I had some great shows. It was great to work with Charlie Wiener. He’s a great guy. I felt like sort of a douche talking about how tough it is growing up with the last name “Beehner,” but I played with it and it was actually pretty funny. It was funny checking into the hotel because they didn’t have my name in the system so they had to get on the horn with the higher-ups, and all I heard was, “We need a room for Beehner…. yeah, we got one for wiener…. No, Beehner. Yes, Beehner AND Wiener… Yes, that is kind of funny… Okay, thank you.” Anyway, it was cool cause my friends, Gip, Sarah, Tim, and Mary Beth came to a show. Their show was great. The one before it, not so great. 60 year old crowds don’t care for poop jokes. I heard at one point, in plain volume during a set-up, “Whose idea was it to come here???” HA!