I had a great weekend this past weekend on a run with my buddy Brett Erickson. We went up to Negaunee, MI and then did a show in Sheboygan Falls, WI at the “Odyssey Fun Center.” Apparently, the word “fun” is Sheboyganese for “bowling and nothing else.” I have some pics of us bowling, email me if you want one… please try not to bog down my server with the millions of requests I am now expecting. My gramma came to the Sheboygan show. That was nice of her. Its not exactly easy telling descriptive stories about shooting diarrhea into a t-shirt while making eye contact with your grandmother.
The other day I was at Target and- Actually, let me begin this story by telling you that I don’t like pennies. I guess they make sense (ha) and are necessary, but I don’t like em. They are bigger than dimes and worth 1/10th the value! To me, it’s not worth a dollar to carry around or even maintain storage for 100 pennies. So generally, when I find myself in possession of these near-worthless coins, I look around and toss them at whatever they will look the prettiest hitting. Usually its just the street. Okay, so the other day I was at Target with my good buddy, Patrick. I was walking through the parking lot and I found a few pennies in my pocket. Actually, it was 7 pennies. I guess that is more than a few. So, naturally, I took them out and threw them over my head into what formed one of the most beautiful copper rainbow showers I have ever seen. Just after they hit pavement, I notice this chubby little kid, who had previously been occupied playing with his feet, get up and run out into the street to get the pennies. I walked into Target praying that my new well-fed friend doesn’t get hit by a car. He didn’t. Wouldn’t that be horrible if he did!?! I don’t think that would make me stop throwing pennies away, but it might make me scan for chubbers before throwing them into the air. So here is the part of the story that proves that the Christmas season is upon us. (This part of the story is just for people that believe in Christmas. For everyone else, that was the end of the story) So Patrick and I are in Target looking at the $1 section right by the door when the little boy comes up to me and in the most adorable meager voice says, “Excuse me, sir. I think you dropped these.” Isn’t that just heart-warming? It sort of gives me a newly revived belief that there is hope for humanity’s future. People actually ARE still raising their kids with morals and good judgement. That just made my day when the kid said that…. Until I noticed he was only holding 6 pennies! I grabbed that little punk by the collar so fast, picked him up, slammed him against the shelves, and shouted, “Nice try, mother-fucker!! Where’s that other penny!?!? You gotta get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on my dick-ass!!! Now get lost!” And then I kicked him in the knee.